This was sent to me in response to the news that Ikea are opening a store in Dublin. One of the funniest responses I got...

Here goes :

Sad but probably true.

I will tell you lads, your Saturdays (or Sundays) will never be the same. You will be dragged there. About half an hour later (after you have spent 2 hours getting a parking space) you will realise that the "it's only a table we need" is not quite what it seems, as you will have to traipse around the whole blo*dy place to find that table, and on the way, sure there is this little thing and that little thing that would look lovely in the front room/back room/bed room/kitchen/stairs/garden/loft/on the Christmas table (even though it's only March)/toilet/bathroom/distant aunt's/the kennel - don't knock the kennel, you will end up sleeping there !

Big hint, even if you like Swedish Meatballs - don't say so, it only encourages them to say things like "but you love the meat balls, why don't you have some and I will have a look around". First the restaurant is before, yes I said before, the half way mark, and secondly it only gives them more time to pick up this little thing and that little thing that would look lovely in the front room/back room/bed room/kitchen/stairs/garden/loft/on the Christmas table (even though it's only March)/toilet/bathroom/distant aunt's/the kennel

By the time you reach the till, you know why their trolleys are so big, but unfortunately the wallet isn't - let alone the car/MPV/bus/large Truck (or in for my family - a horse box). Then it's out to the car and another two hours to get out of the car park.

Then you get the dammed stuff home and the rest of the day is ruined because you have to build it, and the kids want to help !! and because it's made of dense Swedish timber it weighs a ton, and even though it was decided that that was where it was going it never really looks "just right" (of course it doesn't, you didn't need it in the first place). Then while you are trying to move it, her friend comes in and after the ooh'ing and ahh'ing they decide it would look much better somewhere else altogether.

Sometimes you have a friend come to visit while herself is away for the weekend with the kids. You have a picture in your mind of a nice relaxing weekend with the mate having a few beers and anything else going. Your mate has the same concept. BUT NO. She has been to IKEA and bought a load of stuff that you really need the help of someone to build "and sure wont it be great that the two of you can do that" - NO IT BLOODY ISN'T. The head is hanging off ya, your mouth is like sandpaper on a bad day in Delhi, you have an idea that it would be good not to move to far away from the toilet. The last thing you want to do is build IKEA furniture.

If I was you guys, I would find out who were the planners/councillors who voted for this to be allowed, and..............................

As you may of guessed, I do not like IKEA

I feel better now for getting that out of my system. Nothing like a good rant.

PS they have a catalogue and a website so you do not have to go to the shop, and you can pay them to "erect" the shi*e